The key to feeling worthy

Do you have a healthy relationship with yourself? Have you ever struggled to feel self-love?

Sometimes, prioritizing ourselves, loving ourselves, and feeling worthy of ourselves can be tricky.

As we know, Kristina has done a lot of work on self-love and self-esteem too, and dives deep into the topic of the most profound questions you can think of about self-love and self-growth!

Do you think self-love or unconditional self-love is against growth? 

Stoics think that self-criticism is suitable for growing. But self-criticism can bring you to a place where you are diminished and not worthy.

That is not how we treat children, parents, or friends in our lives if we have a healthy relationship with them!

When something can get better, we provide suitable (and loving) feedback!

Not only growing from unconditional love is the first step to keep growing, but it is also a much healthier way to do it, according to our guests today.

Before you ask the same question, Kristina did: unconditional love is not about thinking you are perfect. Or better than anyone else!

Have you ever struggled with perfectionism?

Have you ever thought that being humble leads you nowhere?

Growing through unconditional love is about giving ourselves some attention and love as humans while we keep growing.

It is about knowing deeply that I am worthy of evolving.

So, how do I make changes from that place?

Self-reflection and self-assessment can give us a different point of view.

Self-worth is not about affirmations, “I’m so great.” You’re wonderful, you’re beautiful. Mirror, mirror, who is the best?

How do I go through life for and with myself?

How do I encourage myself? 

Being kind and gracious, figure out how you want to step into the world.

Is it different for women than for men? As women, we are naturally expected to be more gracious. For men, competitiveness might be the form where they are expected to be perfect.

How to achieve the perfect vision of you?

Adia wisely says:  I hope you don’t achieve the perfect vision of you at 80!

Because then, what?

As long as we live, there is so much evolution, we have a lot of experiences, and most of them are ongoing. Like: we don’t ever finish taking care of ourselves.

I don’t know about you, but as for me, I want to show up for work every day to take care of my physical wellness every day. To eat every day.

Do that little self-massage or meditation every day.

Self-care and self-esteem are about us diving into processes, not outcomes, in every area of our lives.

How do we drive our processes forward? Adia gives us some useful questions to approach yourself with:

• How are you navigating this challenge? 
• How do you find ways of being with a life that is sustaining and fulfilling?

Adia encourages us always to show compassion for ourselves.

That doesn’t mean you say messing up is ok… messing up is just human! 

And the essential thing is that, as humans, we have bodies. 

So, for our bodies, show up for your feelings when you mess up. Tune into your body!

Feeling what you’re feeling makes you a little more human and also a little better! Because doing that is acknowledging that humans make mistakes, that it’s ok! 

We make a lot of mistakes, and that doesn’t make you the worst human being in the world!

The outside expects us to be perfect.

But sometimes, you need to put boundaries with the outside world! 

Those boundaries are about how you are willing to react to others’ concerns. 

People throw tantrums when you set boundaries sometimes, but it’s not like saying hey, I don’t want to talk to you ever again!

It’s about showing up when you can and how you can. 

It takes courage to do what’s right for yourself and know that it can mean being disliked, which is ok!

That can sometimes be perceived from the inside as self-worthy and from the outside as selfish, but that’s far from the truth!

The truth is that setting boundaries benefit everyone, but sometimes people ask for too much sometimes.

Setting boundaries as a woman is considered more aggressive coming from a person who is supposed to nurture relationships. 

Kristina reminds us how there is a history of women being punished when they assert themselves. 

To know that it isn’t well received by everyone is good, but that doesn’t mean it should stop you from setting your boundaries.

The key is knowing how and when you set your boundaries and doing it respectfully for everyone, as well as doing it while building relationships.

Basically, it’s about giving support and feedback to yourself and others.

Another area of feeling worthy is the professional field. Have you ever felt impostor syndrome?

It’s about needing to feel experienced or the best at some project to value your contribution to a project. 

Adia gives us a phrase we can tell ourselves when we feel the need: my experience and my knowledge will be valuable in leading this project. 

Versus: I am the best!

Grounding our sense of worthiness is the primary priority.

The power of relationships supports you when it’s worthy to speak up!

So, How can you go from having a relationship with yourself that is not the one you might have with a very strict boss?

Because sometimes we go like: I need this and this and that.

For this, Adia gives us a wonderful approach, diving into asking ourselves things as if we were in a relationship with another person.

In relationships, you cannot ask ten things directly. And you do that to yourself? 

Well, you might need to speak to yourself kinder, just as if you sere speaking to your best friend. Or co-worker. Or even your kid or grandparent. Whatever works best for you, just be aware of your relationship with yourself.

That is the key to feeling worthy!