How to trust your gut, stop waiting for permission and blaze your own trail

How many times have you felt that, as a woman, you needed to ask for permission?

You’re in a crowded place and want to speak up. You don’t trust yourself to do it and feel that you should wait until the opportunity is given to you!

You’re listening, and waiting, and waiting. And maybe you start noticing that the people you’re listening to around you are men. Then, maybe some people around you take the phone or the mic and start speaking. And you slowly start noticing that most of the people taking the mic first are men.

Or maybe you want to start a business, and you want to do a podcast, and you realize that as a woman, you stay silent until someone gives you permission to speak up in your field.

Our guest Cara Alwill is a New York City creative entrepreneur who encourages women to live their most effervescent lives. Cara is the author of nine bestselling books, including the worldwide sensation Girl Code, that have inspired women around the world to step up into their power and fulfill their potential.

Cara’s books have been translated into multiple languages like Russian, Chinese, Portuguese, Mongolian and Vietnamese. Her message continues to transcend cultures and breaks barriers for women across the globe. 

Being a rebel against what is supposed to be good for women.

Being a rebel might be one of those things that, as a woman, kind of makes you feel different, for example, about diets. 

In regards to health, taking a somewhat alternative approach without damaging yourself, might be seen as less appropriate if you’re a woman.

So, the same thing happens with other decisions that, as a woman, society is prone to judge.

Kristina asks this question on how much criticism Cara gets by publicly announcing her decision not to have kids.

That is also based on perfectionism.

Kristina raises an interesting question about the criticism that women face when they choose to be a rebel, especially when it comes to their personal choices. This criticism often stems from societal perfectionism and the pressure to conform. Kristina shares a joke from a Russian author she has worked with about a woman saying: “Mom, I have cleaned the apartment, I’ve done the dishes, I’ve walked the dog, I’ve married, gotten children, and graduated from university. Can I go and play now?”

Also, according to Cara, everything is about putting on your own oxygen masks first before you act on martyrdom and help somebody else, without being in reciprocity.

How does caring for the ones you love mix with the freedom of choices?

Do things on baby steps. Then, they eventually evolve and become your future! 

Cara chose herself at the weekends in her free time for ten years. Patience is your best ally in this situation, but it adds up!

It is also about being aware of one’s own mortality and making the most of the time we have. Being aware of your own mortality and asking yourself: what do you want to do before you die?

It involves taking things slow, and allowing yourself to expand and grow into the person you truly want to be.

Allow yourself to be limitless about the true life you want to build. And have patience. Allow yourself this expansion. And allow yourself to speak your truth too!

It is important to ask oneself, “who could I potentially help by speaking my truth?” Being true to oneself is not just about setting boundaries, it is also about redefining success on one’s own terms.

Redefining success is about building confidence on the decisions you are making. For example in Cara’s case, it would have been staying in the corporate world. 

Can you still do that if you come from no mentors, nobody that supports you?

Building confidence in one’s own decisions can be a challenge, especially if one lacks mentorship and support. But, as Cara demonstrates, it is possible to overcome these obstacles and achieve success through sheer determination and hunger.

What if you don’t know what it is that you want to defend?

First, take some time alone to get clarity. Whatever you can do with the time you have: from having a shower, to going to a retreat!

So, the question Cara states would be helpful is: “Who would I be if I could really be true to myself?” 

Again, allowing yourself to be limitless about it goes a long way! Also, knowing what you want is about not changing yourself for somebody else.

Because if not, you’re going to let those decide that for you.

Kristina’s questions if society or personal expectations have something to do with the definition of ourselves. And how to differentiate if you are putting up a façade.

It could be as simple as not putting up a façade: setting boundaries with others so that you feel more into you, trusting your gut on what it is that you truly want.

It requires patience, self-awareness, and confidence in one’s own decisions to live life on your own terms.

Selfishness or self-respect?

Kristina asks a question that matters a lot in all this: how do you know you are not being selfish by thinking you are choosing yourself, or even, by being right?

In professional life, for example, by choosing a profession that might make you happy because it’s more creative, but is not very lucrative.

Cara answers by asking another question: who says that? whose definition of “not lucrative” is that?

The debate about if you are being selfish can also come to you in your personal life. Like, for example, when you say no to a friend – you can say no just because you are prioritizing your workout or other things.

And that doesn’t mean that you don’t care for the other person, just that you can find some time that suits better for both of you!

So, being selfish is not necessarily a bad thing, it is just being aware of how you prioritize others before yourself.

Episode resources:

• Cara Alwill | Instagram

• Cara Alwill | Facebook

• Cara Alwill | LinkedIn

• Cara Alwill | Website