How to regain the confidence and thrive in life

It’s no secret that the journey to regain confidence, especially after enduring trauma, is a delicate, personal, and often complex one. It’s akin to navigating a tightrope.

On one side is how to be more confident—the “you” that’s full of life and vigor. On the other end lies the trauma that undermined that self-assurance, leaving a gaping void. 

The world below them can seem scary, and the path ahead may look overwhelming. But the real power of human resilience? It’s recognizing these challenges and daring to take the first step towards healing.

Enter Juliette Karaman, a beacon of hope in the complex world of trauma healing. A highly skilled and compassionate coach, teacher, and mentor specializing in relationships, trauma healing, sex, and intimacy. As a trauma survivor herself, she brings empathy to her work and helps clients rebuild trust and communication after sexual trauma. With her expertise, Juliette has transformed the lives of many, empowering them to embrace healing, self-discovery, and profound connections in their intimate relationships.

And in an episode of Honest Conversations with Kristina Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani, Juliette shares a fresh perspective with actionable steps on how to regain your confidence.

What Is Low Self-Esteem?

In simple terms, low self-esteem is an overall sense of unworthiness or a lack of confidence in one’s abilities. This self-perceived inadequacy forms an invisible barrier around individuals, making every endeavor feel like an uphill battle. 

According to a long-term study of people aged between 25 and 104, self-esteem generally increases as we get older. But once people hit retirement, it starts to go down again.

The reality is, though, it’s not as straight forward as that. Low self-esteem, especially, doesn’t limit its presence to just personal endeavors. It seeps into the realm of relationships, tinging them with doubt and fostering unhealthy patterns. 

For example, picture yourself at a party. Everyone is laughing and chatting, having a good time. But all you can think is, “Do I belong here?” This kind of negative self-talk is a classic sign of low self-esteem.

What’s more, it plays a pivotal role in how we set boundaries. People struggling with low self-esteem often struggle with people-pleasing patterns. In a bid to feel accepted or loved, they blur their personal boundaries, eventually leading to a deep sense of dissatisfaction and reinforcing their feelings of unworthiness.

Media and pop culture inadvertently exacerbate the situation. The constant exposure to “perfect” lives and relationships on social media fuels comparison. And this makes the struggle with self-esteem harder. 

Is Low Self-Esteem the Same as Low Self-Confidence?

No, low self-esteem and low self-confidence are not the same. Here’s a table to compare the two:

	Low Self-Esteem	Low Self-Confidence
What it is	It’s a bad feeling about yourself. It’s about self-worth.	It’s not believing in your skills. It’s about performance.
Impact	Leads to feelings of sadness and anxiety. Affects how you see life.	Makes you scared of failing or being judged. Affects how you do tasks.
Signs	Negative self-image. Can’t accept praise. Always comparing oneself to others.	Doubt your abilities. Avoids new challenges. Avoids situations where they might fail.
How to Improve	Needs self-love and positive self-talk. Therapy can help.	Practice helps. Positive feedback on skills also helps

What Causes Low Self-Confidence?

If low self-esteem is the haunting whisper telling you you’re not enough, its origin often lies in the experiences that have left deep imprints on your psyche. 

Trauma, especially sexual trauma, can have a profound impact on your self-confidence. The incident and its aftermath can cast a long shadow on feeling worthy, causing a dramatic dip in your self-confidence.

The feeling of losing control during such an event can be overwhelming. This can trigger a cascading effect, causing you to question your abilities in every aspect of life.

It can also permeate every aspect of life, including relationships and intimacy. You may develop a fear of vulnerability, fearing that opening up may lead to another traumatic event. And because of this, it can cause a significant strain on your relationships, leading to feelings of disconnect and loneliness.

While these emotions can feel overwhelming, it’s essential to remember that they are a normal response to an abnormal event. Scientific research backs this up. For instance, one study found that sexual trauma survivors often experience significant decreases in self-esteem and self-confidence.

Having painted a realistic picture of the cause and effects of low self-confidence, it’s equally important to underscore that there is a way out of this labyrinth of self-doubt and fear. And your guide for this journey to regain confidence is none other than Juliette.

How to Regain Confidence, According to Juliette Karaman

Self-assurance may seem natural to some. But it can seem like a herculean task for others.

Regaining self-confidence is, to put it simply, a pilgrimage to the innermost chambers of your heart and mind. It demands courage, patience, and, most importantly, self-love.

But with the help of Juliette, here are some tips for you to learn how to regain confidence in yourself.

1. Acknowledge the Impact of Trauma

Understanding how trauma affects your self-esteem is the first big step towards rebuilding your confidence. This is all about looking back at your past to figure out where these feelings of self-doubt come from. 

Admitting that trauma has had an impact on you can be a big challenge. You’re faced with memories and feelings that you’ve probably been pushing away. 

“How I define trauma is something that happened too suddenly and too fast for our body or mind to actually process,” says Juliette. And so the goal isn’t to beat yourself up or dwell on the past. It’s like finally acknowledging that elephant in the room that you (and possibly everyone else) have been trying to ignore. 

It’s worth noting that this process can stir up strong emotions. You might feel anger, sadness, or an overwhelming sense of loss. 

The thing is, it’s okay to feel these emotions. It’s really important to be honest with yourself without judgment. But at the same time, it’s crucial not to let these feelings take over your life. 

Tip from Juliette Karaman: “Most people, what we do is we’re afraid to tap into those emotions, into those feelings, because we think we should only think of good feelings and good emotions. The best way is to actually feel it fully and to really let yourself experience that sadness.”

2. Learn to Let Go of Emotional Weight

Chances are, you’ve heard the age-old adage, “Let it go” (and if not, then Elsa from Frozen might’ve helped). It’s often casually tossed around when someone is tired of hearing complaints. But in the realm of healing from trauma and regaining confidence, learning to let go holds a far deeper and more significant meaning.

So, you might be asking, “How do I let go of something that has profoundly affected me?” It’s a valid question, and the answer isn’t a one-size-fits-all. There are strategies that can help, and mindfulness is one of them.

It’s been recognized as an effective strategy to manage and reduce emotional weight. A study in 2014 provided evidence supporting this approach. Published in the Journal of Evidence-Based Complementary & Alternative Medicine, the research demonstrated that mindfulness-based stress reduction programs could significantly ease symptoms of anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder in trauma survivors.

Juliette suggests emotional freedom techniques like tapping. Or movement like primal shaking, dancing, or a dramatic experience.

These types of mindfulness practices can help you identify the emotional weights you’re carrying and how they’re influencing your life. And with this awareness, you can begin working on releasing these burdens.

Tip from Juliette Karaman: “What’s the thought that comes up? Allow yourself to feel it. What’s the body sensation? Feel it for half a minute [or] a minute. And then take a breath. Let it go.”

3. Set Realistic Expectations

When it comes to rebuilding your self-confidence, setting realistic expectations is truly important. The process is gradual, and there’s no overnight fix. 

It’s like climbing a mountain. You wouldn’t expect to reach the peak in one swift move, would you? Instead, you would know that, realistically, it takes time, effort, and lots of small, consistent steps to reach the top.

Some people can do this on their own, and that’s okay. Others may want professional help, and that’s okay, too. 

There’s no shame in needing support to overcome traumatic experiences and the subsequent feelings of inadequacy. Seeking help from a professional can help you understand the roots of your low self-esteem and provide you with actionable strategies to regain confidence.

Tip from Juliette Karaman: “Taking courses, reading books, being in these kinds of [Mindvalley] programs—that is, oftentimes, enough of a catalyst to get you out of things. Now it’s completely up to you if you want to have more hands-on, say, one-on-one attention from a specialist, or join a group where you actually have a community of other people.”

Unstuck Yourself

Regaining confidence after trauma isn’t about achieving a state of perpetual fearlessness. Instead, it’s about acquiring the strength and tools to handle future challenges, self-doubt, and fear.

As Juliette advises, “Instead of shoving it under the carpet, feel it really fully. Experience it. And that’s the only way to move through.”

Remember: some days will be hard; some days you’ll be unfazed. But it’s about equipping yourself with resilience, particularly for your mental health.

So if you want to understand the labyrinth of your emotions… If you want to untangle from the bonds of low self-esteem… And if you want to welcome healing and self-discovery, then tune in to this episode of Honest Conversations with Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani and Juliette Karaman. 

It could just be that light you need to illuminate the way for your journey to self-confidence.

Episode resources:

Juliette Karaman | ⁠Instagram⁠

Juliette Karaman | ⁠Facebook⁠

Juliette Karaman | ⁠Website