“Becoming Flawesome” book review: the perfectly imperfect you
There are plenty of takeaways in Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani’s book, Becoming Flawesome. One major one? Flaws rarely get the limelight, but they do tell great stories.
In a world that glorifies perfectionism and relentlessly chases happiness, Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani‘s Becoming Flawesome: The Key to Living an Imperfectly Authentic Life serves as a gentle (and much-needed) reality check.
Hitting bookshelves in June 2023, Kristina covers all the things you’d ever need in a book about self-discovery.
What’s the meaning of authenticity beyond the buzzword? Check.
Dispelling the myths of personal growth? Check.
Why do we so often feel like imposters? Check.
What’s the big deal with self-care and self-love? Check
Analogies and metaphors that include dragons and Harry Potter’s Hermione Granger? Check and check.
There’s something about how Kristina artfully intertwines her personal experiences and observations—there’s compassion and wit, making every angle incredibly relatable. And all the while, she gently and gracefully guides you toward embracing your gloriously imperfect self.
Becoming Flawesome: The Key to Living an Imperfectly Authentic Life is essentially an instruction manual on becoming “flawesome”—a mash-up of the words “flawed” and “awesome.” It’s the perfect (pun intended) reminder that the utopian version of ourselves is merely an illusion.
In fact, one of the key takeaways from the book is that perfection can actually hinder our self-evolution.
So when we find ourselves unable to hit the benchmark of those societal-imposed standards, know there’s another (and better) way. It takes a little being honest with ourselves, but when we are, we may just see that our “flawesomeness” is an opportunity for growth and improvement.
But here’s the thing, though: the path to becoming flawesome (as with anything that’s worthy of our growth) isn’t without putting in the effort.
“I believe that happiness is of the greatest importance,” she writes in the book. “But not only this—I believe that happiness must be actively trained as a skill.”
So how do we take off those rose-tinted glasses and see ourselves for who we really are? That’s where Kristina puts major emphasis on a number of points:
Throughout the book, Kristina paints a vivid picture of her own struggles—relatable and inspiring. And she provides practical advice on how to be authentic, based on her own experiences.
Don’t be fooled, though: it’s not just 280 pages of how she learned to accept and love herself, flaws and all. That’s not the Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani way. No, no—rest assured that she’s got a bunch of science to back up this concept of “becoming flawesome.”
Bonus, the book is littered with personal stories, from her upbringing in the USSR (that’s communist Russia, for those of you who aren’t old enough to remember) to anecdotes about her son, Hayden, to lines that make for perfectly imperfect quotes.
Not only is Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani the genius behind Becoming Flawesome: The Key to Living an Imperfectly Authentic Life, but she’s the quintessence of a jack-of-all-trades. She’s the co-founder of Mindvalley, an entrepreneur, a speaker, a philanthropist, a mother, and now an author.
Kristina’s from Estonia, born and raised. And that’s where she started her career—from the government to organizations like the United Nations, Oxfam, and AIESEC. In 2003, she co-founded Mindvalley, a global school that teaches transformational education for all ages. And if that wasn’t enough, she also launched Mindvalley Russian in 2009, bringing the best authors and teachings to the Russian-speaking market.
But Kristina doesn’t stop there. She’s also the trainer of Mindvalley’s From Awesome to Flawesome Quest, a 30-day program designed to help people embrace their authentic selves. So it goes without saying that she’s got a heck of a lot of wisdom to share—and she’s not afraid to do it.
Becoming Flawesome: The Key to Living an Imperfectly Authentic Life is more than likely set to be the guide to being authentic and living their best life. It’s even been said that it’s “10 years’ worth of therapy in one book.”
Don’t just take it at face value—see what others have to say:
“Kristina Mänd-Lakhani takes us on an inward journey toward authenticity. You can learn to experience who you really are and how to accept that genuine person.”
— Princess Rym Ali, president of the Anna Lindh Foundation
“Becoming Flawesome is full of timely wisdom for those who want to live their perfect imperfect life.”
— Jim Kwik, New York Times bestselling author of Limitless
“Becoming Flawesome is a roadmap to deep self-awareness, radical self-acceptance and genuine self-love. An inspiring read for any individual prepared to embark on a journey towards their truest selves.”
— Dr. Shefali, clinical psychologist and New York Times bestselling author of The Conscious Parent
“Becoming Flawesome is a brilliant gift for anyone who has ever doubted their strength and power to create a life that is unapologetically their own. Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani inspires the courage and conviction we need to live lives of deep integrity, joy, and truth.”
— Katherine Woodward Thomas, New York Times bestselling author of Calling in “The One”and Conscious Uncoupling
“Becoming Flawesome is a refreshingly honest, insightful, and liberating book… one which gently walks you back to the safety, sanity, and lasting success of your heart.”
— Sonia Choquette, New York Times bestselling author of The Answer is Simple: Love Yourself, Live your Spirit!
“Beautifully written and authentically delivered by Kristina, it’s a must-read for anyone working on improving their self-worth.”
— Marisa Peer, a leading therapist and bestselling author of Tell Yourself a Better Lie
“You won’t be able to put this book down. It’s a must-read for anyone looking to experience the freedom of living authentically and flawesomely. It will change your life.”
— Florencia Andrés, mindset coach of high performers, bestselling author, winner of the “Golden Book Award”
“Kristina’s wisdom will guide you through a journey of self-discovery and freedom.”
— Shelly Lefkoe, co-founder of the Lefkoe Institute
No more trying too hard to be perfect. No more comparing yourself to others. It’s time to break free from those limitations and step into your own power.
Becoming Flawesome: The Key to Living an Imperfectly Authentic Life is packed with valuable insights, practical tips, and inspiring stories to help you fully accept and love yourself.
And Kristina, herself, is living proof of how authenticity can be life-affirming. Whether it’s starting her own business, indulging in her passions, embracing her femininity (virtuous and wicked), singing her kids to sleep, or immersing herself in classical literature, she’s doing it unapologetically and with her whole heart.
But that’s the way of Kristina Mänd-Lakhani. So she encourages you to find yours.
As she says in her book, “Authenticity will become your trusty passport on the path back to yourself.”
So take this as a visa for you to embrace the colors of your rainbow and bask in the glory of your flawesomeness.
This articles has been originally published on Mindvalley Blog and has been re-posted here with author’s permission.
Tatiana Azman is a content writer for Mindvalley and a Certified Life Coach. With a background in spa and wellness as well as being a cancer survivor, she's constantly on the lookout for natural, effective ways that help with one's overall well-being.
Isn’t it strange that the very thing you’ve been doing since you uttered your first word as toddlers—communicating—can sometimes feel like navigating through an impenetrable forest?
A misinterpreted text here, an awkwardly phrased email there, and voilà!, you find yourself lost in the wilderness of miscommunication. Frustrations arise, relationships teeter on the edge of cliffs, and you feel like you’re playing an endless game of charades, trying to decipher the meanings behind words, actions, or the dreaded silence.
But what if there were handy relationship hacks that could transform this scenario?
In an episode of the Honest Conversations series with Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani, Dr. Gilda Carle shares some remarkable insights that can help you articulate your thoughts clearly and ensure you’re heard and understood.
Dr. Gilda Carle is an internationally known relationship expert who has made a significant impact on millions of people worldwide. With a wealth of experience, she has authored 17 books, delivered motivational speeches, and appeared as a relationship expert on television shows. Dr. Gilda’s expertise extends beyond her counseling practice, as she has served as a product spokesperson for major corporations, including Hallmark and Match.com.
Imagine you’re in a project meeting where everyone is buzzing with ideas. You believe you’ve found the perfect solution to the challenge at hand, and you explain your strategy with all the passion of a seasoned explorer unveiling a new discovery.
As you conclude, you expect applause (or at least some appreciative nods). But instead, you’re met with blank stares and a chilling silence.
It’s far from feeling worthy; it’s downright disheartening. And even a bit embarrassing.
Here’s the thing about communication that many of us struggle with: we often assume it’s all about stating our point.
In the corporate training that Dr. Carle was doing, she noticed that people were communicating. However, “they were missing each other,” she explains. “They weren’t hearing each other really speak about what the things were that they were meaning to speak about.”
According to a Salesforce survey, 86% of employees and executives cite a lack of collaboration or ineffective communication as reasons for workplace failures. And this exemplifies the misconception.
But it’s not just at work; it’s in your personal relationships as well. (Hence, “boardroom to bedroom,” as Dr. Carle highlights.) One study found that over 67% of marriages ended mainly because of miscommunication.
With such a profound impact on our lives, it’s time we start treating communication as more than just a mere exchange of words. After all, it’s the very glue that binds our relationships together.
Communication is the way you share your ideas, feelings, and needs. And doing it effectively helps you understand the other person better and, as a result, makes your relationships stronger.
What’s more, in this digital age where video calls are the norm, understanding and mastering non-verbal cues is as crucial as the message itself. After all, it amounts to 55% of communication, as according to Dr. Albert Mehrabian’s 7-38-55 rule (tone of voice (38%), and verbal (7%) make up the other).
That goes for all connections—in the office, at home, on the streets, and what have you. But in this instance, let’s take a closer look at how it helps in “the boardroom” and in “the bedroom”:
“The way we communicate with other people and the way they hear us and interpret what we have to say is extremely important,” says Dr. Carle. “That’s the channel [through which] we deliver what we have to say.”
It’s important to remember, though, that it’s a two-way process, not a monologue. And stellar communication skills aren’t a birthright—they’re learned and honed over time.
In the sit-down with Kristina, Dr. Carle offers a wealth of tips for a successful relationship through effective and intuitive communication. Here are the top three nuggets:
Dr. Carle emphasizes the importance of what she calls “style flexing.” It’s your ability to adapt communication styles to connect with different people effectively.
It’s essentially being a communication chameleon, adjusting your colors to match the situation and person you’re having conversations with. For example, maybe with one person, you need to use an intuitive communication style, but with another, you need to use a more direct approach.
As Dr. Carle explains, “When you see that your style is missing the audience for one reason or another, like if you have nobody in the chat, nobody’s raising their hand, or nobody’s doing Q&A, then you have to change that style to something that’s more interesting to the audience at hand.”
“Nobody wants to speak to anybody or hear from anybody unless they know ‘what’s in it for me,’” explains Dr. Carle. That’s where “edutrainment”—the combination of “education” and “entertainment”—comes in.
“We have to become edu-trainers and entertainers all combined,” says Dr. Carle, “because we have got to hold people’s interests.”
While it may sound silly, it’s pivotal. This way of engaging and holding people’s attention makes the message more impactful. And incorporating humor, stories, and real-life examples can help bring this to life.
As you may know, authenticity and being true to oneself are topics Kristina advocates for. And when it comes to relationship hacks, Dr. Carle underscores their importance.
Believe it or not, being authentic in the way you are helps build trust and rapport, creating stronger, more meaningful connections. In fact, a study by Cohn & Wolfe found that authenticity is one of the top qualities that attract consumers, employees, and other stakeholders. In personal relationships, authenticity fosters closeness and satisfaction.
But what Dr. Carle highlights is that authenticity, especially in communication, doesn’t start with other people. It starts with you. No smoke and mirrors, no theatrics—just you being your best and most authentic self.
“Bet on yourself,” she encourages. “Project your best self forward.”
Because at the end of the day, who wants to play roles when you can just play yourself, right? And in doing so, you’ll find self-confidence and live a more heart-centered life.
If there’s one of the most powerful relationship hacks out there, it’s communication. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.
After all, we all have in us the need to feel connected. “It’s our evolutionary trait,” says Kristina in a video on Mindvally, which she is the co-founder of. “We feel that connection is something [that] keeps us safe.”
And communication, especially when you can do it authentically, is connection.
The truth is, we all have the capacity to be effective communicators, even you. But sometimes, we just need a little nudge in the right direction.
Dr. Gilda Carle’s insights serve as that gentle nudge, guiding you towards a more profound understanding of yourself and your interactions. It’s something that can transform your life, turning sour relationships sweet and enabling professional endeavors to flourish.
Episode resources:
Dr. Gilda Carle | Instagram
And if you want more insights like these, you can watch the full interview on Kristina’s YouTube channel:
Tatiana Azman is a content writer for Mindvalley and a Certified Life Coach. With a background in spa and wellness as well as being a cancer survivor, she's constantly on the lookout for natural, effective ways that help with one's overall well-being.
Self-criticism does you no favors. When you embrace your flaws, you find the freedom to be yourself. Here are tips on how to do it from Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani.
Remember that scene in Mean Girls where the Plastics look at themselves in the mirror and criticize every little “flaw”?
“My pores are huge.”
“My hairline is weird.”
“I have really bad breath in the morning.”
It’s something many of us do. And the (unfortunate) truth of the matter is, in today’s world, it’s way, way, way too easy to get caught up in the pursuit of perfection.
But the question is, does it make you any happier? Would it be so bad to embrace your flaws?
“I believe that in our contemporary world, our obsession with perfectionism is exactly the thing that leads us to the dark side,” says Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani, co-founder of Mindvalley and author of Becoming Flawesome: The Key to Living an Imperfectly Authentic Life. “Because anything that doesn’t correspond to the picture of the best version of ‘me’ is so hard to face.”
To face the realities of what you hope to be in your head versus who you actually are is really hard. But you’ve got to start somewhere, and that somewhere can be here:
Your flaws (or “dragons” as Kristina likes to call them), hands down, are what make you unique and interesting. Embracing them can lead you to far more moments of happiness than seeking perfection ever could.
Let’s get one thing straight: flaws are beautiful. And we all have our quirks, unique features, and our own special brand of weirdness, and that’s what makes us humans.
“Embrace your flaws” essentially means to accept you—all the good along with all the “bad.” And it takes a certain level of self-awareness to do so. But when you do, several things happen:
Even research agrees. The results of a 2012 study show that those who can accept that they’re perfectly imperfect have higher self-esteem and love their lives more than those who put perfection as a priority.
Your relationship with the world is a reflection of your relationship with yourself.— Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani, co-founder of Mindvalley and author of Becoming Flawesome: The Key to Living an Imperfectly Authentic Life
When you own your truth, you’ll have the fortitude to show that to those around you. It’s one of the greatest acts of self-love out there.
After all, who wants to be a boring, flawless robot?
The rise of filters and photo editing apps makes it that much easier to hide behind a pretty picture. But that only covers the external. There are also character and personality imperfections to consider.
Why is it so hard to just accept our flaws and imperfections as we do the things we like? A fantastic question, so let’s take a closer look at some common reasons why:
The reality is, embracing your flaws can be hard. It’s asking you to face all the things you’ve pushed aside for years and accept them like second nature.
It’ll take guts, grit, and self-compassion. But when you learn to embrace, you’ll see that you’re Khaleesi, and the dragons are a part of who you are. (That’s a Game of Thrones reference for those who don’t know.)
Perfection is merely a scapegoat for “I don’t want to deal with what I want but don’t have.” But it’s a fact: No one is perfect. Not even—gasp!—Khaleesi herself.
So why do we beat ourselves up over our imperfections? Why do we hold ourselves to such high standards? How do you embrace your imperfections?
It’ll take a little more than a “love your flaws” pep talk, of course. And Kristina’s book, Becoming Flawesome: The Key to Living an Imperfectly Authentic Life, has just the tips that will get you to start feeling more comfortable in your skin.
“Happiness doesn’t need perfection,” Kristina explains. “In fact, perfectionism is a killer of happiness because it comes with conditions and rules.”
So, for you to truly step into your greatness, consider ditching perfection and taking some time to reflect on what it is that brings you joy.
Is it snuggling with your pet? Is it dancing to ‘90s hip-hop? Or maybe something more toned down, like a loving-kindness meditation?
It’s important to remember that life is a beautiful blend of the good and the bad. So happiness is not a 24/7 thing; rather, it’s moments of genuine joy and contentment that get you from one day to the next.
Tip from Becoming Flawesome: “The world doesn’t need your perfection. Neither does it need your sacrifice of personal well-being.
What it needs is for you to be genuinely happy and at peace. It is important because it is when you are happy and at peace with yourself that you can offer the world the best of you.”
You know that feeling when you’re trying to keep everything under control, from your job to your relationships to your dog’s bowel movements, and you end up feeling like a hot mess express?
Yeah, let that (excuse the French) sh*t go.
Instead of trying to micromanage every little thing, accept the fact that life is messy and unpredictable. And recognize that some things are beyond your control; instead, focus on what you can do.
Tip from Becoming Flawesome: “Letting go is a hard skill, especially for perfectionists with Hermione’s Syndrome (like me), because we like to be in control, we like to take charge, and oh boy, do we take charge! We do this seamlessly, especially when something is important to us.
But what many of us Hermiones do not realize is that the more important the task, the more we take charge, and the more we tense, the more we remove ourselves from mastery and true genius.”
Let’s face it: We’re surrounded by messages that tell us we’re not enough. From social media to advertisements to commercials, we’re constantly bombarded with the idea that we need to be someone else in order to be happy.
The thing is, we’re perfect (irony, right?) the way we are.
And to be truly authentic, you’ve got to get messy and learn how to accept yourself fully, flaws and all. Because when you stop putting yourself down and start appreciating your uniqueness, you’ll allow yourself to shine in a way that no one else can.
Tip from Becoming Flawesome: “If you feel shame for wanting to be happy, then you, naturally, project the same attitude on the rest of the world—of course, others will shame you for being selfish and wanting to be happy.
But if you are convinced that your happiness is important and valuable, then you will not budge just because a few people may misunderstand your intentions.”
It’s so much easier to point out other people’s flaws than to face our own. But the thing is, no one likes a Karen (or whatever poor girl’s name is thrown into the deep end). And people will only change when they’re willing and ready.
So instead of focusing your energy on others, turn it around and work on your own. Lead by example, as they say. And when you’re honest with yourself, you may just find that you actually love your flaws.
Tip from Becoming Flawesome: “You have to be the brave one to make the change within you first and thus, inspire others to follow.”
So what’s this “becoming flawesome” thing Kristina’s going on about? Other than it being a play-on word combining “flaws” with “awesome,” its meaning is as it sounds: celebrating the awesomeness of your flaws.
“It is about being imperfect, being flawed, and yet realizing your own value despite your imperfections,” she explains. “In fact, not even despite the imperfections, but precisely because of them.”
It’s time to stop self-criticism and just be kind to yourself.
You’re not perfect, and that’s okay. In fact, it’s more than okay; it’s—cue the corniness—flawesome.
Tip from Becoming Flawesome: “You need to get to know yourself fully. You need to look at yourself without filters and edits, as if you were looking into a crystal clear mirror, seeing yourself with all your blemishes. And then, you learn to love yourself the way you are.”
There’s something liberating and empowering about loving your flaws. It’s like when Cady Heron of Mean Girls breaks the plastic crown into pieces at Spring Fling and shares it with others. Because she came to terms with who she really is, she was able to be who she really is.
It is your flaws, your dents, and scratches, the Dragons hidden in the dungeons of your castle behind a perfect façade, that make you who you are. And so, whatever value you have to give to the world, you wouldn’t have it without them.— Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani, co-founder of Mindvalley and author of Becoming Flawesome: The Key to Living an Imperfectly Authentic Life
Kristina’s book, Becoming Flawesome: The Key to Living an Imperfectly Authentic Life, has the kind of valuable insights to show you how to fully accept and love yourself.
Will it push your boundaries? Yes. But will it be worth it? Heck yes.
So in the name of being flawesome, it’s time to break your own plastic crown and share your authentic self with the world.
This article has been originally published on Mindvalley Blog and has been re-posted here with author’s permission.
Tatiana Azman is a content writer for Mindvalley and a Certified Life Coach. With a background in spa and wellness as well as being a cancer survivor, she's constantly on the lookout for natural, effective ways that help with one's overall well-being.